


no more goodbyes

by mooninmourning



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel has no idea Dean loves him, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Eileen was the blurry wife, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Lisa is just trying to wash dishes, M/M, Oblivious Castiel (Supernatural), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28843533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooninmourning/pseuds/mooninmourning
Summary: Castiel gets one thing wrong while planning out what will be awaiting Dean in Heaven.  One very, very important thing.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 164





	no more goodbyes

After a conversation with Sam going over some of what he had missed, Dean finally saw _him_. When Dean’s eyes focused on Castiel, Sam immediately noticed and whirled around.

“Hello, Dean. Sam.” Castiel’s eyes settled on Dean, as they often did, though with some hesitation.

And why wouldn’t Castiel be hesitant? The angel had practically put his heart on a plate the last time Dean saw him, and all Dean had done was look at it. Everything had been happening too fast. And then he’d been pushed away, and then it was too late. It was probably what he deserved for pushing his own feelings away for so long, for pushing Cas away.

“Cas.” It was a whisper. Dean moved quickly, past Sam, and then he had Castiel in his arms, chin hooked over his shoulder. He felt him tense up at first, but then tentative hands found their way onto his back, like Castiel wasn’t quite sure if he was allowed to touch Dean now that his feelings were out in the open. It made Dean’s heart ache, and he tightened his arms around the angel.

Maybe if Sam wasn’t right there, he would have finally said what he knew Castiel deserved to hear.

After Sam cleared his throat, they finally separated, and Castiel was given another hug, by another Winchester. As Sam pulled away, he was smiling. “So, Cas. I heard you’re helping Jack rebuild Heaven? You been busy?”

Castiel smiled slightly at the mention of his son and nodded. “Yes. It has been going quite well...I actually came here to deliver the two of you to your homes. To where you can rest. Eileen has been waiting for you, Sam.”

Sam bowed his head a little, pleased to hear this. He wouldn’t have expected anything different from Heaven. A good Heaven, crafted by people he loved.

“We should get going,” Castiel said softly. From there, they all went into the car. Their usual places.

Castiel directed Dean on where to go, how to get to where Sam would apparently reside with Eileen. As he drove, Dean couldn’t help but wonder where it was that _he_ would get to stay, what Cas and their son had put together for him.

Eileen looked just as she had the last time Dean had seen her. She opened the door with a smile, quick to go into Sam’s arms. And then, of course, to kiss him. Dean wondered how long she had been waiting for. He looked over at Cas. _Too damn long_ , he thought.

She made the boys come in and sit, made a joke about not being able to attend Dean’s funeral. Dean laughed quietly. Castiel tensed up a little, but said nothing.

Dean noticed now that Sam was wearing a wedding ring, and Eileen was as well. Of course, he knew that they’d gotten married at some point. But seeing those rings, actually seeing them together and happy, that was different. He longed to have that. And with the expression on Castiel’s face, he was pretty sure he did too. There was no hope in Castiel’s eyes, though.

Once they were out of Sam and Eileen’s place, Dean had been heading back to his car and thinking of what he could say, when he was stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder. “We can go on foot from here, Dean.” Castiel turned and began to walk away. So Dean followed.

As they passed house after house, they were quiet. Dean kept wondering which one was his. Why it was his. Did Castiel have one? With Jack, maybe?

The pair ended up outside of a nice house, not that the whole neighborhood, or whatever it could be called, wasn’t just nice house, nice house, nice house. The paint was clean and cream. A pretty big yard, peppered with little yellow flowers. White fence.

Castiel stopped, and turned to Dean with a bittersweet smile. It reminded Dean of the moments before the Empty had taken him. 

Dean wanted to kiss it off of his face.

Before he could think about that any more, though, Castiel spoke up.

“I hope that...you get everything you’ve ever wanted.”

_The one thing...I want...It’s something I know I can’t have._

And again, it sounded like a goodbye, and Dean wasn’t having that. Not this time. Not any time, not ever again. He looked towards the house, prepared to look right back at Cas afterwards and hopefully say something to convey...anything that would keep Cas from leaving.

But as he was looking at the large window, his attention was caught. The house wasn’t empty. He blinked a few times. Inside, he could see Lisa Braeden washing the dishes.

Quickly, Dean turned back to Cas, and found that same smile still there, and it clicked.

Cas thought that this, Lisa, was what he wanted. Cas arranged this for him, believing that he couldn’t possibly have Dean. Loving Dean, just wanting him to be happy. Regardless of who he was with, or if that meant Cas himself would probably be alone. Maybe he’d have Jack at least, Dean wasn’t sure.

That didn’t matter though, because it was all wrong, Cas was wrong, Dean knew. Because what he wanted was not in that house, it was right in front of him. Had been, for years. Why was it still so hard for him to open his damn mouth?

Castiel’s eyes were slightly glassy. Just slightly. Enough for one to know that he really was saying goodbye. Again. Possibly trying to conceal the pain from Dean, the angel began to walk away.

“Wait wait wait,” Dean said quickly. His mouth was finally working, it seemed. One of his hands reached out and caught Castiel’s sleeve. How many times had he lost Cas already? At this point, he’d lost count.

Castiel turned to Dean and tilted his head in that way of his that over the years never ceased to be adorable. “Yes, Dean?” As always, Castiel was ready to do anything that Dean wished, give him whatever was missing that was preventing his Heaven from being complete. 

“Cas, I...This isn’t what I want. Lisa, she’s not...I don’t want to be with her.” Castiel’s eyebrows moved together, forming a question, but Dean ignored it, choosing instead to do something that he’d imagined himself countless times before. The hand he had on Castiel’s arm slowly slid down, down, fingers circling the angel’s wrist, and then he was gingerly holding his hand.

And Castiel just looked more confused, trying to meet Dean’s eyes, looking for an answer. Meanwhile, Dean was staring down at their hands, wondering if this was enough. Cas loved him. He loved Cas. And they were holding hands. Or he was holding Castiel’s hand, at least. Castiel was rather still. Maybe this wasn’t enough.

“It’s,” Dean said quietly, looking up at Cas, into those eyes that had always truly seen him. The only eyes that had ever truly seen him, his bare soul, his regret, his loathing. He knew everything, and yet still loved him. Loved him because of it, even, and that wasn’t a small thing at all. It was a really big thing, to know that the love was real, that Castiel loved the real Dean Winchester.

“It’s you, it’s...Always been you, Cas.”

“I...I don’t think I unders—”

Still holding his hand, Dean leaned forward and kissed him. He had already been able to hear the doubt, the same kind that had been bouncing around in his own head for years. He wanted to get rid of all of it, for the both of them. 

Castiel’s eyes were wide open for the first few seconds of the kiss. It was soft, just a press of skin to skin. Though it was still hard to believe that it was really happening, Castiel let his eyes slip closed, and he leaned into it a little bit more. Dean’s hand moved up, palm sliding up the sleeve of Castiel’s trenchcoat, until it met his cheek, causing the angel to let out a soft hum.

A few moments more, and Castiel’s hand was covering the one on his face, keeping it there. This was real. Castiel felt that this was something delicate, something he had to be careful about, so he was slow as he brushed his lips along Dean’s. The last thing he wanted was to scare him away. He didn’t need anything, not really, and had not expected anything to happen, so this chasteness was more than enough for him.

Castiel had nothing to worry about, though. Nothing was going to be scaring Dean away. The only thing Dean was scared of now was the thought of Cas leaving him, of not knowing how needed, how wanted he was. After getting used to the feeling of the angel’s mouth, Dean brought his other hand up so that Castiel’s face was being held on both sides. Dean’s kisses were becoming more insistent, and he was moving closer, nearly pressing Castiel against the white fence. A quiet gasp from Castiel, and it wasn’t just lips on lips anymore. On every level, Dean was all in now. This former soldier of Heaven was his, and he was finally touching him like he’d only dreamt about, hands moving from his face, slipping under that coat, that jacket. There were no complaints about this.

After finishing washing the dishes, Lisa glanced up and out of her window to see two men who appeared to be very caught up in each other. Why they were locking lips right in front of her home, she had no idea. One of them looked familiar, she realized. But it would be wrong to stare, wouldn’t it? She looked down, ready to walk away from the sink so she wouldn’t be able to see them anymore, but then she remembered. She was pretty sure, anyways, that one of them had hit her with his car. When she looked out the window again, the couple was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This one was sitting in my head for a while. Now, onto my ten other writing projects.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
